Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Cricinfo - Test Matches - Complete List

Cricinfo - Test Matches - Complete List

Cricinfo - ODI Matches - Complete List

Cricinfo - ODI Matches - Complete List

World Cup 2007 - Group League Matches

13th March 2007
West Indies 241 for 9 in 50 overs (Samuels 63, Sarwan 49, Lara 37, Anjum 3-44, Gul 2-38, Hafeez 2-39) beat Pakistan 187 in 47.2 overs(Malik 62, Yusuf 37, Inzamam 36, Smith 3-36, Bravo 3-42) by 54 runs
Player of the Match : Dwyane Smith - 32 off 15 balls , 3-36

14th March 2007
Australia 334 for 6 in 50 overs (Ponting 113 - 93 balls, Hayden 60, Gilchrist 46, Hogg 40* - 15 balls, Haq 2-49) beat Scotland 131 in 40.1 overs (Smith 51, Macgrath 3-14, Tait 2-45) by 203 runs
Player of the Match : Ricky Ponting

Kenya 203 for 3 in 43.2 overs (Tikolo 72*, Ouma 58, Mishra 35*) beat Canada 199 in 50 overs (Barnett 41, Billcliff 34, Dhaniram 34, Kamande 2-25, Tikolo 2-34) by 7 wickets
Player of the Match : Steve Tikolo

15th March 2007
Srilanka 321 for 6 in 50 overs (Jayawardane 85, Sangakkara 76, Chamara Silva 55* , Hurdle 2-61, Mukkudem 2-50) beat Bermuda 78 in 24.4 overs (Maharoof 4-23, Malinga 3-10, Murali 2-28) by 243 runs
Player of the Match : Mahela Jayawardane

Ireland 221 for 9 in 50 overs (Bray 115* - carried bat, Chigumbura 2-21, Brent 2-40 , Mpofu 2-58) tied with Zimbabwe 221 in 50 overs (Matsikenyari 73*, Sibanda 67, McCallan 2-56)
Player of the Match : Jeremy Bray

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

World Cup 2007 - First salvo

WOW !!!! Cricket World Cup 2007 starts today. The biggest sporting bonanza (discounting Soccer World Cup, Olympics, Asian Games, Super Bowl etc) ever !!!!
Today The Host West Indians face off a similar mercurial team Pakistan in the opening match of this 9th edition of the world cup.
Shall we discuss the participating teams' prospects ???
1. We Indians are so much crazy about this event that inspite of having no chance of proceeding even to the semifinals [remind me to eat my non-existent hat if we , by some fluke manage to reach the semifinals, remind me to put my foot in my mouth if we reach the finals like we did in 2003. What if we win the cup like 1983 ??? What if pigs have wings ??? ]
2. Bangladesh - whose chance of winning this trophy is similar to a snowflake's chance of surviving in Hell - they'd be happy to win their match against Bermuda.
3. Pakistan - they can win this tournament, provided their top, middle and lower order batting clicks, their so-called fast bowlers doesn't give out too many extra deliveries and Inzy and Mohammed Yusuf doesn't run themselves or other partners out, or Shahid Afridi remembers to put the white cherry regularly beyond the boundary or .... too many factors. Forget it.
4. Srilanka - Their openers are in tremendous form, their middle order is not. But not to worry. If Jayasurya gets his guns blazing and Murali gets those doosras spinning and W.P.J.U.C. Vaas gets those yorkers right, voila !!!! repeat 1996.
5. Australia - World Champions Three times over, currently in a 5 match loosing streak. They will bounce back, but I seriously doubt how much would they bounce in WestIndian pitches ....
6. South Africa - Semifinalist for sure, finalist ? Maybe. Winners ? check my comments for India
7. New Zealand - Super 8 is the limit - can't survive for long in West Indian pitches.
8. West Indies - The Host - See my comments for India
9. England - See my comments for Newzealand
10. Kenya - Forget 2003 performance. 2007 is a different ball-game
11. Zimababwe now is at par with the other 5 minnows - they are there to provide valuable match practice and bolster batting averages of the super eighters ...

Anything more to write ? No ?
well then, that's that ... keep watching this space for daily match results and brief score.
p.s. any body reads this blog ?

Friday, March 02, 2007

The ABC Of Bengalis

A is for Awpheesh (as in Office).
This is where the average Kolkakatan goes and spends a day hard at work. And if he works for the 'Vest Bengal Gawrment' he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea break at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break for lunch at 1, smoke an unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go home at 4:30. It's a hard life!

B is for Bhision(vision).
For some reason many Bengalis don't have good bhision.
In fact in Kolkata most people are wearing spectacles all the time.

C is for Chappell.
Currently, this is the Bengali word for the Devil, for the worst form of evil. In the night mothers put their kids to sleep saying, 'Na ghumaley Chappell eshey dhorey niye jabe.' (If you don't sleep, Chappell would take you away)
(Chappell: Greg Chappell, former Australian Cricket Captain. A great cricketer, but currently the coach of Indian Cricket team. Instrumental in throwing out Sorav Ganguly - the greatest captain Indian cricket team ever had)

D is for Debashish or any other name starting with Deb.
By an ancient law every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So you have a Debashish everywhere and trying to get creative they are also called Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debopriyo, Deboprotim, Debojyoti, etc.thrown in at times.

E is for Eeesh.
This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous by Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a Bengali, especially Bengali women, use eeesh 10,089 times every year.
'Ei Morechhey' is a close second to Eeesh.

F is for Feeesh.
These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and are a favourite food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has such strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a fish is all right.
If not, he will say 'eeesh what feeesh is theesh!'

G is for Good name.
Every Bengali boy will have a good name like Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like Motka, Bhombol, Thobla, etc.
While every Bengali girls will have pet names like Tia, Tuktuki, Mishti, Khuku, etc.

H is for Harmonium.
This the Bengali equivalent of a rock guitar. Take four Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors to The Bheatles!

I is for lleesh.
This is a feeesh with 10,000 bones which would kill any ordinary person, but which the Bengalis eat with releeesh!

J is for Jhola.
No selfrespecting Bengali is complete without his Jhola.
It is a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings and he fits an amazing number of things in. Even as you read this there are two million jholas bobbling around Kolkata, and they all look exactly the same! Note that 'Jhol' as in Maachher Jhol is a close second.

K is for Kee Kaando !.
It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation till eeesh took over because of Aishwarya Rai (now Kee Kando's agent is trying to hire Bipasha Basu).

L is for Lungi, the dress for all occasions.
People in Kolkata manage to play football and cricket wearing it not to mention the daily trip in the morning to the local bajaar. Now there is talk of a lungi expedition to Mt Everest.

M is for Minibus.
These are dangerous half buses whose antics would effortlessly frighten the living daylights out of all James Bond stuntmen as well as Formula 1 race car drivers.

N is for Nyangto.
This is the Bengali word for Naked. It is the most interesting naked word in any language!

O is for Oil.
The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the ear), to cough (oil on the throat) to piles (oil you know where!).

P is for Phootball(soccer).
This is always a phavourite phassion of the Kolkattan.Every Bengali is born an expert in this game. The two biggest clubs there are Mohunbagan and East Bengal and when they play the city comes to a stop.

Q is for Queen.
This really has nothing to do with the Bengalis or Kolkata, but it's the only Q word I could think of at this moment. There's also Quilt but they never use them in Kolkata.

R is for Robi Thakur.
Many many years ago Rabindranath got the Nobel Prize. This has given the right to all Bengalis no matter where they are to frame their acceptance speeches as if they were directly related to the great poet and walk with their head held high. This also gives Bengalis the birthright to look down at Delhi and Mumbai and of course 'all non-Bengawlees'! Note that 'Rawshogolla' comes a close second !

S is for Shourav.
Now that they finally produced a genuine cricketer and a captain, Bengalis think that he should be allowed to play until he is 70 years old. Of course they will see to it that he stays in good form by doing a little bit of 'jawggo' (religious rituals) and 'maanot' (penance).

T is for Trams.
Hundred years later there are still trams in Kolkata. Of course if you are in a hurry it's faster to walk.

U is for Aambrela.
When a Bengali baby is born he is handed one.

V is for Bhaayolence.
Bengalis are the most non-violent violent people around. When an accident happens they will fold up their sleeves, shout and scream and curse and abuse, "Chherey De Bolchhi" (let me loose) but the last time someone actually hit someone was in 1979.

W is for Water.
For three months of the year the city is underwater and every year for the last 200 years the authorities are taken by surprise by this!

X is for X'mas.
It's very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit up and all Bengalis agreeing that they must eat cake that day.

Y is for Yesshtaarday.
Which is always better than today for a Bengali (see R for Robi Thakur).

Z is for Jebra, Joo, Jipper and Jylophone.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Lost Gems - 3

Following are Kishore related songs which were picturised but never
released by any music company, ever:

Lehrein-Idhar Mushkil Udhar Mushkil
Dhobi Doctor-Chandni Raaton Mein
Miss Maala-Dekho Na Dekho Hamein
Bhai Bhai-Bangla Hai Sansaar
Naughty Boy-Rang Ye Duniya
Naughty Boy -Aai Ee Beloo Beloosha Tum Mere Pehchaane
Naughty Boy -Jahaan Bhi Gaye Hum
Baagi Shehzada -Jhuk Jhuk Kaabad Mukke
Door Gagan Ki Chhaon Mein -Raja Babu O mere
Duniya Naachegi -Meri Rahon Mein Ankhiyaan
Duniya Naachegi -Nahin Nahin Mar Jaaoonga
Hum Do Daaku -Pag Ghungroo Baandh
Paayal Ki Jhankaar -Kaliyon Pe Shabnam
Aansoo Ban Gaye Phool -Ye Dil Sadaa Dhadka
Pyaar Ka Mausam -Tum Bin Jaaoon Kahaan ( Sad version )
Maanavta -Tu Pyaar Pe Mere
Parivartan -Dil Se Mere Jo Tera Dil

Abhimaan -Tere Mere Milan Ki ( Happy version )
Double Cross -Dekho Hum Donon Ki ( Sad Version )
Yaadon Ki Baaraat -Yaadon Ki Baaraat ( Kishore Solo )
5 Rifles -Duniya Ke Banaane Waale
Dost -Gaadi Bula Rahi Hai..Sun Ye Paigaam ( Part 3 )
Kunwara Baap -Aa Ri Aa Ja ( Kishore Solo )
Phir Kab Milogi -Khit Pit Khit Pit
Prem Nagar -Ek Muamma Hai
Ujala Hi Ujala -Ka Ka Ka Kaaa Jiya Bole Re
Ek Mahal Ho Sapnon Ka -Dil Mein Kisi Ke
Faraar -Main Pyaasa Tum Sawan ( Kishore Solo )
Mehbooba -Jiski Jheel Si Aankhon Mein
Mehbooba -Mere Naina Saavan Bhado ( 2nd part )
Bhola Bhala -Main Bhola Bhaala Hoon
Laal Kothi -Main Kaun Kya Hoon ( Slow version )
Mehfil -Pyaar To Hai Yahaan
Ganga Aur Geeta -Tu Aag Hai Main Aag Hoon
Nauker -Chandni Re Jhoom..Kya Kya Na Tere Liye Bhes Banaaya ( part 2 )
Kaatil Kaun -Jaaoon Kahaan Gori
Kaatil Kaun -Teri Ankhiyaan Meri Ankhiyaan
Main Aur Mera Haathi -Main Aur Mera Haathi..Saath Jiyenge Saath Marenge ( part 2 )
Avtaar -Yaaro Utho Bhaago Daudo...Ye Saari Duniya...Ro Ke Kasam ( part 2 )
Aao Jaao Ghar Tumhara -Tu Hi Tu Meri Tu
Inteha -Ek Gam Par Ek Aur Sahi ( part 1, 2 & 3 )
Aakhri Muqabala -Zindagi Kya Hai Kaanta hai Ya ( part 2 )
Wafaa (1990) -Ye Sach Hai Ki Jeevan
Gori ( also not picturised )-Tera Shabaab Tauba Tauba
Jeevan Saathi -Phoolon Ke Desh Mein
Arjun Pandit -Dil Mera Uda Jaaye
Amar Akbar Anthony ( One liner by Amitabh in the film ) -Parda Hai Parda
Chham Chhama Chham -Pyaar Bhare Dil Hain
Chalta Purza -Pyaar Karna Na Karna
Jaalsaaz -Hip Hip Ho Ho Hurrah
Bombay Ka Chor -Jawaab De Ya Na De
Ganga Ki Kasam -O Mere Dil Jaani
Agar Tum Na Hote -Hamein Aur Jeene Ki ( Lata Kishore )
Naya Andaaz -Saiyaan Raja Laa De
Badhti Ka Naam Daadhi ( also not picturised)-Tum Jo Mile Duniya Mili
Badhti Ka Naam Daadhi -Hoon Kaun Chhoon
Ek Mahal Hai Sapnon Ka -Humse Poocho Ke Haqeekat
Door Ka Raahi -Jab Tak Hai Dum
Mamta Ki Chhaon Mein -Na Re Na Mujhe Door ( Leena Solo )
Luko Churi ( Bengali ) -Sokhi Re Jeo Na
Luko Churi ( Bengali ) -Jolke Cholaar Chhondo Jaage
Luko Churi ( Bengali ) -Ei To Hethay Kunjo
Gouri ( Bengali -also not picturised ) -Se Ek Daand Kaaker
Raajkumari ( Bengali )-Aaj Gun Gun Kunje

Lost Gems - 2

Films with Kishore's Music ( most of them were never picturised ) :

1) Door Ka Raahi -
a) Beeti Jaaye Zindagani ( Kishore-Amit duet )...later sung as a solo by Amit in Mamta Ki Chhaon Mein
b) Jab Tak Hai Dum Badhaayenge Qadam ( Picturised at a village near Karjat )
2) Badhti Ka Naam Daadhi - Hoon Kaun Chhoo

3) Chalti Ka Naam Zindagi ( no lyrics available, but a duet of Kishore and C Ramchandra )

4) Neela Aasmaan - No songs were picturised - First film of Kishore as a MD somewhere in 1958-59
a) Akela Hoon Main Is Jahaan Mein ( solo )
b) Ek Panchhi Diwana (solo)
c) Teri Awaaz Banke ( asha-Kishore )
d) Akele Hum Akele Tum ( Asha-Kishore )

5) Suhaana Geet -
a) Lo Shaam Huyee
b) Baaje Baaje Re Kahin Baansuriya ( This one was picturised )
c) Deep Jale Deep Bujhe
d) Are Kidhar Chale Ho Salone Badal
e) Gun Gun Bhanwre Sun ( Lata Solo )
f) Mera Geet Adhura Hai ( Lata-Kishore )
g) Chala Chal Aye Mere Dil ( Manna-Kishore )

6) Pyaar Ajnabi Hai -
a) Pyaar Ajnabi Hai ( This one was picturised )
b) Junoon e Ishq ( This one was picturised )
c) Tumse Saje Hain Mere Sapne ( Asha-Kishore )
d) Pyaar Ajnabi Hai ( Lata Solo )
e) Zindagi Kuchh Bhi ( Shankar Dasgupta solo )

7) Band Master Chik Chik Boom -
a) Main Husn Ka Parwana
b) Kareeb Aa Ja
c) title song

8) Dinu Ka Dinanath - Prabhu Kaise Rangon Mein ( Amit Kumar solo )

9) Jamuna Ke Teer - title song

Lost Gems - 1

These are the songs dropped from films - related to Kishore Kumar

1) Tera Yoon Nazar Churake - Dilli Ka Thug ( Dropped from the film but released in Bombay Ka Chor )
2) Mere Saamne Waali Khidki ( Slow version ) - Dropped from the film
3) Mujhko Bas Yoon Hi Udaas - Khusboo ( Pancham Music ) - Dropped from the film because of not getting the correct slot
4) Saagar Kinaare Dil Ye Pukaare ( Kishore Solo is available ) - dropped from the film
5) Hello Kya Haal Hai - Sunehra Sansaar
6) Jab Jab Tujhko Chhua ( Kishore - Geeta Dut ) - Dropped from the film, Jaalsaaz, due to Censor objection to the lyrics
7) Poochha Jo Payar Kya Hai - International Crook ( later used in Eent Ka Jawaab Patthar )
8) Nain Mila Lo - Shrimatiji - Dropped from the film - objection from Censor
9) Chaand Sa Koyi Chehra - Sholay - Dropped from the film due to the lengthy Qawalli and not fitting in the story
10) Raja Babu O Raja Babu - Door Gagan Ki Chhaon Mein ( Amit Kumar Solo)

I got this mobile

I got this mobile ... details courtsey
Mobile Review
This phone (MotoMing / A1200) run by Linux is designed specially for Asian market. It is equipped with a 2MP camera and special applications for processing office documents are preinstalled.

Class: fashion
Description based on official information
General features
Announced in 2005, official announcement in December 2005
GSM 850/900/1800/1900
Colour touchscreen, up to 262000 colours (TFT), the resolution of 240x320 pixels (36x48 mm)
Battery type Li-Ion 850 mAh
Battery life:
standby mode up to 200 hours
talk mode up to 4 hours
CPU: Intel XScale 312MHz
Operating system: Linux
Adjustable menu order, tags for fast access
Colours: black (I got it in black), red, silvery
Weight: 122 gramms
Dimensions: 95.7 x 51.7 x 21.5 mm
Dynamical memory for the phonebook, each name entry can contain several phone numbers (unlimited). Fields for complete postal address, extra data. A field for e-mail address. You can assign a photo or an image to a name, select a personal call melody.
Call log of last 10 calls of all types
Phone memory for data and applications about 8 MB
Expansion connector for MicroSD
Call management, ringing tones, voice functions
You can use any file of the following formats as a call melody - mp3, aac or aac++ file
Various modes of vibracall, schemes
Voice dialing
Instant Messaging
Hand input and text recognition functions (English, Chinese)
Integrated 2.0 MP camera (the maximum resolution of 1600x1200 pixels)
Video recording capability, MPEG4/Н.263
Digital zoom, effects
mp3/aac/aac++ files as call melodies
Integrated video and audio player (MPEG4, H.263, МР3, ААC, ААC+, е-ААC)
Java (MIDP 2.0)
GPRS (4+2) class 10
WAP 2.0, xHTML
IrDA is absent
e-mail (POP3/IMAP4)
Synchronization with PC (miniUSB, Bluetooth)
Organizer and extras
Document viewer - view MS Office files
Calendar, date, time
Organizer with alarm clock, various kinds of events
Games - Only 1 pre-loaded

MotoMing was launched in India for Rs 17490/- (Approx 200 GB Pounds), recently the price reduced to Rs 15490/- (180 GBP) , BigBazaar was selling it for Rs 14890/- (173 GBP) I exchanged my Sony Erricsson K700i for Rs 2500/- (30 GBP) off. The pack contained a 512 MB transflash MicroSD card with adapter, charger, mini-USB cable, a carrying pouch, manuals and stereo-phonic headset. What more can you ask for for such a phone ???

Thursday, February 22, 2007

The Travails of Single South Indian men of conservative upbringing / Why we don't get any

(Disclaimer: This was posted on one of the IIM student boards. Its hilarious!!)

Yet another action packed weekend in Mumbai, full of fun, frolic and introspection. I have learnt many things. For example having money when none of your friends have any is as good as not having any. And after spending much time in movie theatres, cafes and restaurants I have gathered many insights into the endless monotony that is the love life of south Indian men.

What I have unearthed is most disheartening. Disheartening because comprehension of these truths will not change our status anytime soon. However there is also cause for joy. We never stood a chance anyway. What loads the dice against virile, gallant, well educated, good looking, sincere mallus and tams? (Kandus were once among us, but Bangalore has changed all that.)

Our futures are shot to hell as soon as our parents bestow upon us names that are anything but alluring. I cannot imagine a more foolproof way of making sure the child remains single till classified advertisements or that maternal uncle in San Francisco thinks otherwise. Name him "Parthasarathy Venkatachalapthy" and his inherent capability to combat celibacy is obliterated before he could even talk. He will grow to be known as Partha. Before he knows, his smart, seductively named northy classmates start calling him Paratha. No woman in their right minds will go anyway near poor Parthasarathy.

His investment banking job doesn't help either. His employer loves him though. He has no personal life you see. By this time the Sanjay Singhs and Bobby Khans from his class have small businesses of their own and spend 60% of their lives in discos and pubs. The remaining 40% is spent coochicooing with leather and denim clad muses in their penthouse flats on Nepean Sea Road. Business is safely in the hands of the Mallu manager. After all with a name like Blossom Babykutty he cant use his 30000 salary anywhere. Blossom gave up on society when in school they automatically enrolled him for Cookery Classes.

Along with all the girls. Yes my dear reader, nomenclature is the first nail in a coffin of neglect and hormonal pandemonium. In a kinder world they would just name the poor southern male child and throw him off the balcony. "Yes appa we have named him Goundamani..." THUD. Life would have been less kinder to him anyway.

If all the women the Upadhyays, Kumars, Pintos and, god forbid, the Sens and Roys in the world have met were distributed amongst the Arunkumars, Vadukuts and Chandramogans we would all be merry casanovas with 3 to 4 pretty things at each arm. But alas it is not to be. Of course the south Indian women have no such issues. They have names which are like sweet poetry to the ravenous northie hormone tanks.
Picture this:

"Welcome, and this is my family.This is my daughter Poorni (what a sweet name!!) and my son Ponnalagusamy (er..hello..).." Cyanide would not be fast enough for poor Samy. Nothing Samy does will help him. He can pump iron, drive fast cars and wear snazzy clothes, but against a braindead dude called Arjun Singhania he has as much chance of getting any as a Benedictine Monk in a Saharan Seminary.

Couple this with the other failures that have plagued our existence. Any attempt at spiking hair with gel fails miserably. In an hour I have a crown of greasy, smelly fibrous mush. My night ends there.

However the northy just has to scream "Wakaw!!!" and you have to peel the women off him to let him breathe. In a disco while we can manage the medium hip shake with neck curls, once the Bhangra starts pumping we are as fluid as cement and gravel in a mixer. Karan Kapoor or Jatin Thapar in the low cut jeans with chaddi strap showing and see through shirt throws his elbows perfectly, the cynosure of all attention.The women love a man who digs pasta and fondue. But why do they not see the simple pleasures of curd rice and coconut chutney?

When poor Senthilnathan opens his tiffin box in the office lunch room his female coworkers just dissappear when they see the tamarind rice and poppadums. The have all rematerialised around Bobby Singh who has ordered in Pizza and Garlic bread. (And they have the gall to talk of foreign origin.)

How can a man like me brought up in roomy lungis and oversized polyester shirts ever walk the walk in painted on jeans (that makes a big impression) and neon yellow rib hugging t shirts? All I can do is don my worn "comfort fit" jeans and floral shirt. Which is pretty low on the "Look at me lady" scale, just above fig leaf skirt and feather headgear a la caveman, and a mite below Khakhi Shirt over a red tshirt and baggy khakhi pants and white trainers a la Rajni in "Badsha".

Sociologically too the tam or mallu man is severely sidelined. An average tam stud stays in a house with, on average, three grandparents, three sets of uncles and aunts, and over 10 children.
Not the ideal atmosphere for some intimacy and some full throated "WHOSE YOUR DADDY!!!" at the 3 in the morning. The mallu guy of course is almost always in the gulf working alone on some onshore oil rig in the desert. Rheumatic elbows me thinks.

Alas dear friends we are not just meant to set the nights on fire. We are just not built to be "The Ladies Man". The black man has hip hop, the white man has rock, the southie guy only has idlis and tomato rasam or an NRI account in South Indian Bank Ernakulam Branch. Alas as our destiny was determined in one fell swoop by our nomenclature, so will our future be. A nice arranged little love story. But the agony of course does not end there. On the first night, as the stud sits on his bed finally within touching distance and whispers his sweet desires into her delectable ear, she blushes, turns around and whispers back "But amma has said only on second saturdays..."

Being British

(Disclaimer : Not an original post)

Being British is about driving in a German car , made with Indian Steel from scrap iron exported from Sharpness, insured by a French Insurance company, filled with Saudi Arabian fuel brought to the UK in a Panamanian Ship to Southampton, going to an Irish pub for an Australian lager, then travelling home having your windscreen cleaned at the traffic lights by Serbian illegal immigrants , then grabbing a Pakistani curry or a Turkish kebab on the way to sit on Swedish pine furniture and watch American films on a Japanese TV while drinking a glass of water from a French owned Water company.
Then the following morning having a wonderful breakfast of an Egg from God knows where, fried in Spanish Sunflower oil, Danish Bacon, Spanish tomatoes, Kenyan Baked Beans, all washed down with a lovely cup of Sri Lankan Tea, French Milk, and West Indian Sugar, before going to the Ugandan/Indian Newsagent to get your newspaper made from a depleted Brazilian rain-forest.

As an aside, this e-mail was sent from a computer with a Korean hard-drive, Chinese CD-ROM , Taiwanese RAM, Singaporian Modem.  The Elecricity was supplied with the curtesy of the Siberian Gas fields and Russian Coal, to power the French Owned Power Stations, built with Le Farge cement in Holland.
And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.
By the way, Do not display the Union Jack as it may upset the residents !!!!!!!! 

Oh and......
Only in Britain, can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain. do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain. do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain. do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain. do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain. do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain. are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.